friggin' memories.

ok, so it's 4am in the freakin morning and i'm still up. Been cleaning some parts of the room for some time now, and i chanced upon my old journals. Haha. Right, you guessed it, i turn a page --- and well, it's memory lane all over again.

+ + +

october 4, 2000
hay naku, ****, mahal kita kahit di mo pansin!"

+ + +

It's funny how things are. Reading my journal now, i think about what happened with some pangs of regret --- perhaps the foolishness of youth? the loss of a great love? the misgivings of a misguided heart? Or perhaps, just the plain fact that i did love him at some point. I laugh at myself for some of the things i wrote down, hardly believing this was me who wrote those damn words. At times i unconsciously think of the what ifs, of what may have beens, and i am saddened a bit; it was, after all, something good, was it not? :-) I smile my wistful smile and just read on, shaking my head as i go along the lines.

+ + +

Forward to my recent ones : it's amazing how pictures can say so many things. Unlike the past ones, my recent journals have images rather than words, which was a lot more painful to remember. You see the laughter in the eyes, and smile wistfully over the photos as memories ofthe time those were taken awash you.

+ + +
September 7, 2003
I remember your smile, and your sweet sweet eyes, full of kindness and love. With you i feel safe, with you i feel love. You somehow make everything all right, and i am happy that you gave me this. I can only hope i can give you the love you deserve. It's a gift to have this love, and i cherish it always.

Even though we may not be together right now, i know that i love you and in my heart, i feel your love, steady and strong. I miss you so much --- i miss seeing those eyes, that sweet smile you give, with a hint of mischief that never fails to brighten even my most bleak of days"

+ + +

Journals can be a b*tch to read sometimes.